(EDIT: I’ve deleted all comments made and banned future comments from being made on this comic. I do thank most of you that commented already, I did enjoy most of what you had to say. But I just feel weird having others comment on this situation that’s really personal.  I’m not comfortable with people who don’t know my brother making comments about him and really uncomfortable with people who don’t know either of us making comments. And while normally I promote open discussion, not this time. Sorry about that. I hope you understand.)

I had trouble on deciding whether to draw this comic or not and an equal amount of trouble on deciding whether to post it or not, and now having doubts on this blog entry. For starters, it is insanely personal. Not only for myself, but more so for my brother. When I do a comic it is me, myself, sharing my personal crap with the world and that is my choice. But this is someone who hasn’t made the choice to make a comic about their life and share it with the public. But I told myself that when I decided to keep going with this journal comic, I would face dilemmas like this, and that as an artist and cartoonist I would never censor myself, and I need to stand by that. Even if it effects the people around me. I also set out to document the beats and rhythms of everyday life, and that includes all the lows and personal business.

That, and…my own brother probably doesn’t even read this comic anyways. Which I admit stings a little bit.

I love my brother. I do. Which is why I was so upset and hurt by his words and actions on the phone. The person I talked to on the phone was NOT the Juozas I know and love. Growing up together, Juozas was always a happy kid and was always the first one to help out those in society that were constantly shit on and was accepting of all people. He was even part of the anti-defamation league in high school. But then all of the sudden he starts spewing hate speech, calling people he disagrees with faggots, a word that I despise the use of and put it up there with horrible slurs such as the n-word. You don’t say these words! You shouldn’t even be thinking these words! Hate like that should NEVER enter your mindset! Ok, if you want to personally hate an individual because they wronged you or whatever, fine, that is your business between you and that individual person. But to needlessly hate a whole group of people and use words that are slurs against a whole group of people? No. That is not right and not cool by any means. Granted, I don’t think my brother was trying to single out and hate gays when he said what he said, but he still used the word that is used as hate speech against them. Either way, not cool.

And then he went on about wanting to kill the hajjis. Another slur, this time with violent intent. Look, I know he is (sadly) going to war soon, I know as a human being about to face something horrible (because let’s face it, war is a horrible thing to have to experience) he has to psychologically and mentally and emotionally pump himself up to do what he is about to do. I understand that. Soldiers for hundreds of thousands of years have had to do the same thing. But his hate seemed so deep rooted to a point that it was terrifying and it was not the Juozas I knew and loved for 19 years. Now, I don’t want to speak ill of the military as I was raised in a military family and I have respect for what soldiers have to do (and I don’t blame them for Iraq, since they are not in charge of where they sadly get sent), but is this what they are training today’s soldiers to think? Does today’s Army WANT it’s soldiers to HATE this much? I hope not. I really hope not.

I still love my brother, but I lost ALL respect for him tonight. I cannot respect anyone who has that much hate and uses slurs like that. I know he thinks I’m a stupid pacifist liberal “faggot” hippie for believing what I do and being against the war and voting for Obama and all that, but I hope someday he can understand why I believe in what I do. Why I don’t think we should be in Iraq in the first place and why I want all soldiers out of there and not fighting a war that was started so a son could show his daddy that he too could be president. See, my brother and I were always different, like night and day. He was the good military son and I was the black sheep artist, but we always respected each other’s view points and differences. We always respected each other no matter what. But I fear that time is now gone, and that fucking kills me inside. I really feel like I might have just lost my little baby brother, and it fucking tears me up inside.

I want my brother to come back alive and in one piece, and if he has to God forbid go back to fight in a war again at least make it a war that actually matters (hey, anyone remember Osama Bin Ladin? Our president sure as hell doesn’t). And I hope when he comes back safe he can let go of this hate he has, and go back to being the happy and loving kid that I grew up with. The happy and loving kid that is the REAL Juozas. My little brother.

I’m sorry for this long entry. I spent about an hour writing it trying to find the right words. And I’m sorry to Juozas, on the off chance you would ever even read my comics, for dragging this out into a public forum. But I had to get it off my chest, and maybe reach out to anyone else out there who might be going through the same thing. I also want the world to know that deep down Juozas was and probably, hopefully, still is a good and loving person, even if it is hidden right now, so please don’t think ill of him. I want to believe the old him is still in there. I love him very much and I want to respect him again, I do.

Tags: hate speech, juozas, phone, pissed off, pranas, war

This entry was posted on Friday, September 5th, 2008 at 12:00 am and is filed under Comics. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.