inkdick: november 10 2008 - two weeks
So my final quarter as an undergrad is quickly coming to a close. This last quarter feels weird and like I’m not really in school anymore because I only have one class and it’s an independent study so it’s a different feel than going to a class twice a week with other students in it. Still…in two weeks I am no longer Pranas the Student. I’m just…Pranas the Adult. I have been a student for all of my life. I’m having trouble trying to switch gears. I don’t WANT to switch gears. I rather LIKE being a student.
I don’t know where my life is going. I know where I WANT it to be. I just need to find out how to get there now. Where I want to be: making a living off of comics and other creative work. How to get there: no flipping clue. And it’s not like I couldn’t have easily researched how to get freelance gigs and creative jobs. I think I’ve been too AFRAID to do so. For looking up opportunities would be me accepting the fact that college is ending.
I’m going to miss the saftey net of college. I am going to miss the environment. Going to miss getting an education. I know I couldn’t stay in school forever, as much as I would love that, but still. This is a hard transition for me.
I’ve never been a fan of huge transitions in life. I cried like a baby last spring when I left the dorms and all my senior friends graduated.
I think a part of me doesn’t want to leave because I feel like I didn’t use these four plus years here to the fullest. Yeah, I learned and grew a LOT since coming here as a wee freshman. But I didn’t work as hard as I think I could have, didn’t take advantage of all of the resources I had at my fingertips, free of charge, didn’t take all of the risks that you are allowed to take in college. I feel that I’m behind everyone and trying so hard to play catch up but I’m not going to make it. I’m sure it doesn’t help matters that I’m here for an extra quarter while a good chunk of my friends graduated on time last spring.
I know some people look at me and my work and say, “Pish-posh-tartar sauce, you’re good enough, Pranas, so stop your bitching!” And maybe those folks are right. But I don’t feel that way. And maybe I never will feel that way. But maybe that is the drive that keeps me going. Always reaching for that brass ring, always wanting to be better than what I am in the present.
If I decide to go to grad school, I’m taking advantage of EVERY opportunity that I can.
Also, on a less complicated level, graduation means growing up. I never wanted to grow up. Ever.
November 12th, 2008 at 5:25 am
Leaving school is scary, but for me it’s really just been a part of a bigger transition. Even though basically I had a “comic job” lined up right after college (although I didn’t really know it at the time), I’m not at the point where it’s going to make me enough money to live off of by far yet, and it’s been about 2 years. Just after the 2 year mark will my first book be published and my name be out there in any real sort of capacity. And even after the book gets published, I need to go looking for more comic work or a day job just to pay the bills. I figure in 5 years after graduation will I get a good idea of the path of my career and where it’s going.
In 2 years I could see this webcomic of yours giving you as much if not more notoriety than what I’m getting by being published. Right now, your name is out there more than mine is, in my opinion.
I too thing sometimes I didn’t take advantage of “what SCAD had to offer,” but really, it’s more like what SCAD gives you back is the effort you put into it (as everyone always says). I wasn’t dicking around the whole time, although I didn’t work my hardest, and things have turned out alright. I’m generally pretty optimistic about the future, but then, hope is my ever present disease. I think as long as you keep going and don’t give into despair things will come together. You won’t really lose hope until you give it up, so just hold onto it.
November 12th, 2008 at 5:59 am
I don’t think anyone really ever wanted to grow up, but that sentiment is compounded tenfold for those at artschool, and maybe twentyfold for those in the SEQA department. We’re aiming to draw cartoons for a living for fuck’s sake. Graduation doesn’t need to mean growing up, anyway. You’ll just be a bigger kid in a bigger world with a bigger playground. I guess.
November 12th, 2008 at 11:08 am
I wanted to grow up old enough not to be kidnapped, as kidnapping was “fashionable” so-to-speak when I was a kid. Once older, I didn’t think of life as an aging process, nor did I feel really at home anywhere. As a consequence, I grew up to be a pensive drifter. I only eventually realized the need to either plan a career beforehand or at least maintain a string of jobs to have experience at something. A little late, but I was too busy just staying afloat, surviving, healing wounds.
As you say, feeling in danger is a good stimulus to drive oneself higher. The course of life is similar for most people. How we overcome the stereotypical hurdles of life is one factor of variation, and possible greatness. Most of what we feel has been felt for thousands of years by millions of people all over the world…
November 12th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Hey, that’s exactly what I was thinking 6 months ago! Ugh.
November 12th, 2008 at 11:21 pm
I was in the same boat you are (kinda still am) at graduation. But if anything, you have one thing going for you: you’ve been making a name for yourself and you’re making minicomics that has a following. You have a dedicated audience, which is more than 90% of the sequential kids that graduate SCAD can say. Yeah, you’ll probably have to get a normal job at first, but that’s where the best comic material comes from. :P
Seriously though, you’re in a much better position because of how you established yourself with your comics, humor, and style.